The Greater Attleboro Suds Suckers homebrew club (Dean Booth, president) was inspired by Jeff Foxworthy’s comedy routine ‘you know you’re a redneck if…’.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A HOMEBREWER…

If you’ve ever pulled bottles out of other people’s recycling bins.

If you’ve ever put the kids to bed dirty because the tub was full of soaking bottles.

If every t-shirt you own is from a brewpub or microbrewery.

If you’ve ever tried to improve a Budweiser by stirring in a crumpled hop pellet.

If you have a hose adaptor permanently attached to your kitchen faucet.

If you wanted to name the puppy ‘Fuggles’.

If you own a sterile trash can.

If you have more than 10 gallons of beer in your home right now.

If you measure beer in gallons.

If you don’t think that 10 gallons of beer is a lot.

If you’ve ever used a mop on a ceiling.

If all party invitations you receive say, “Bring a keg.”

If you have a large stove pot that no one else is allowed to use.

If you’ve ever driven your car in winter with the windows down and the heat off because you were afraid the cooler in the back seat was getting warm.

If you’ve ever stumped the tour guide on a megabrewery tour… deliberately.

If you have a glass that you wash by hand instead of in the dishwasher.

If you’ve ever said any of these phrases:

“in a not-frosted glass, please”

“probably dirty hoses”

“what kind of beer is it supposed to be?”

“by weight or volume?”

“my yeast is ready”

“Aw crap, twist-offs”

If there is a bottle in your refrigerator with an airlock in it.

If you’ve ever butted into the conversation of total strangers because you overheard the word ‘sparge’.

If you can’t remember the last time you popped open a flip-top beer can.

If your favorite character on Bonanza reruns is Hop Sing.

If you’ve ever cut a hole in a refrigerator door.

If you’ve ever gone to a redemption center to buy bottles.

If your 10-year-old critiques the clarity and head retention of her root beer.

If the owner of the beer store doesn’t remember your name anymore.

If a waitress has said you’re the first person to ever send a beer back.

If your kid entered the science fair with a demonstration of fermentation.

If you’ve ever bought a six-pack of beer just because you like the empties.

If walking across the kitchen floor sounds like Velcro.

If you’ve even thought about adding hop oil to unscented love oil.